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00:00:02,003 --> 00:00:04,836
♪ It seems today
that all you see
2
00:00:04,905 --> 00:00:08,273
♪ Is violence in
movies and sex on TV
3
00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:11,710
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:11,778 --> 00:00:14,880
♪ On which we used to rely?
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♪ Lucky there's a family guy
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♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
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♪ All the things that make us
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♪ Laugh and cry
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00:00:25,026 --> 00:00:29,895
♪ He's a family guy ♪
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00:00:34,784 --> 00:00:39,171
We now return
to the NBA on TNT on LSD.
11
00:00:41,508 --> 00:00:44,576
Man, I'm out of my mind!
12
00:00:44,645 --> 00:00:48,125
Okay, my mom will
be here any minute
for our spa day.
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"Spa." S-P-A.
14
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Yes. Very good, Peter.
15
00:00:52,686 --> 00:00:54,797
And remember,
while we're off
getting our massages,
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00:00:54,821 --> 00:00:57,322
you and Daddy are gonna
spend the day together here.
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00:00:57,391 --> 00:00:58,957
Aw, I don't want
to hang out with him.
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He's, like,
not ticklish anywhere.
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00:01:01,095 --> 00:01:02,772
Look, I'm sorry, but my mom said
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he can't be left
alone at home anymore.
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Last time, he went crazy
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00:01:06,434 --> 00:01:08,514
and moved all
the furniture around.
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00:01:08,919 --> 00:01:10,986
♪ Dancing, walking
24
00:01:11,055 --> 00:01:14,156
♪ Rearranging furniture
25
00:01:14,225 --> 00:01:16,658
♪ Babs is shopping
26
00:01:16,727 --> 00:01:19,427
♪ I let the bird
out of the cage ♪
27
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Hello, dear.
28
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Ah, I always forget
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00:01:24,851 --> 00:01:27,848
you walk right into
the living room
in your house.
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00:01:27,872 --> 00:01:31,039
Hey, do you have a Band-Aid?
Nothing happened,
but I'm bleeding.
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You know what,
I'll just rummage
through your bathroom.
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00:01:34,912 --> 00:01:36,155
Man, spending
a whole day with him
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00:01:36,179 --> 00:01:38,513
is gonna be worse than
eating at a ball park.
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00:01:38,582 --> 00:01:40,249
Uh, I'll take one terrible beer,
35
00:01:40,317 --> 00:01:41,917
filled up way too high,
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00:01:41,986 --> 00:01:45,187
so I spill most of it,
and a too-long hot
dog on a too-short bun.
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And do you have
mustard and relish?
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Yeah, it's right there
between the entrance and
the exit to the bathroom.
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00:01:49,593 --> 00:01:52,027
Perfect. And can I get
a bag of unsalted peanuts?
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You know, something I would
never eat anywhere else
in the world?
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00:01:54,398 --> 00:01:56,564
Sure, here you go.
Great. Great.
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00:01:56,633 --> 00:01:59,701
Ah, I can't wait
to have diarrhea in
the stall with no door
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00:01:59,770 --> 00:02:01,569
while 20 guys wait
for me to finish.
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00:02:06,509 --> 00:02:08,469
- I know, I know.
- Come on.
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00:02:08,496 --> 00:02:10,762
All right.
Left cankle, red.
46
00:02:12,299 --> 00:02:13,965
Right muffin top, blue.
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00:02:17,404 --> 00:02:18,604
Sorry.
48
00:02:18,672 --> 00:02:21,590
Ugh! God, kill me.
49
00:02:21,659 --> 00:02:24,103
Stewie, I can't take
any more of Meg
and her gross friends.
50
00:02:24,127 --> 00:02:27,262
Uh, uh, hang on, hang on.
I'm just finishing
up an e-mail to Delta.
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00:02:27,331 --> 00:02:30,031
"I have never not screamed
at the top of my lungs
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00:02:30,100 --> 00:02:33,702
"during air pressure changes,
and I do not intend
to stop now."
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00:02:33,770 --> 00:02:35,737
Okay, what was it?
Meg's friends.
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00:02:35,805 --> 00:02:38,045
They're just so loud
and boring and annoying.
55
00:02:38,074 --> 00:02:40,842
Well, not everybody can be
as fascinating as you, Brian.
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00:02:40,910 --> 00:02:42,277
Thanks for coming by.
57
00:02:42,346 --> 00:02:44,246
Hey, Brian, Mom took the car.
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00:02:44,314 --> 00:02:46,859
Can you give me
and my friends a ride
to field hockey practice?
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00:02:46,883 --> 00:02:50,852
Um, I'm kind of helping Stewie
with an e-mail to Delta.
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Please, Brian.
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00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:54,139
It would get them
out of the house.
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00:02:54,207 --> 00:02:55,284
Well, that's true.
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00:02:55,308 --> 00:02:56,542
And I gotta do something,
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00:02:56,610 --> 00:02:58,610
'cause they're more annoying
than ants at a picnic.
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00:02:59,980 --> 00:03:02,220
Would you mind
turning that down?
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00:03:04,167 --> 00:03:06,801
And you are not
supposed to be grilling.
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00:03:06,870 --> 00:03:08,737
I know you can understand me.
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00:03:14,678 --> 00:03:17,979
So, what...
What do you want to do?
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00:03:18,048 --> 00:03:20,748
I don't know.
Sucks that we're
stuck here alone.
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00:03:20,818 --> 00:03:23,163
Wait a minute.
"Here alone."
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00:03:23,187 --> 00:03:25,370
You thinking what I'm thinking?
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00:03:25,439 --> 00:03:26,871
This was not
what I was thinking.
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00:03:26,940 --> 00:03:28,885
That's weird, it's not
what I was thinking either.
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00:03:28,909 --> 00:03:31,054
I don't even know
how it happened.
No, me neither.
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00:03:31,078 --> 00:03:32,598
But this spaghetti
is not half bad.
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00:03:32,646 --> 00:03:34,886
A "happy mistake,"
we'll call it.
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00:03:38,385 --> 00:03:40,952
Now what do you want to do?
Well, we could watch porn.
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00:03:41,021 --> 00:03:42,287
Have you heard of porn?
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00:03:42,356 --> 00:03:43,600
Is that something
you're aware of?
80
00:03:43,624 --> 00:03:45,390
You have postcards from France?
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00:03:45,458 --> 00:03:47,203
No, no, no.
Like, on the computer.
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00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:50,328
There's like tons and tons
of videos of people
doing it on there.
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00:03:50,397 --> 00:03:51,908
Wait, let me understand.
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00:03:51,932 --> 00:03:54,032
You want to watch that with me?
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00:03:54,101 --> 00:03:56,112
Well, not anymore,
you just made it weird.
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00:03:56,136 --> 00:03:57,446
But there's
other stuff on there.
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00:03:57,470 --> 00:03:59,082
You want to see
a guy in a human-sized
88
00:03:59,106 --> 00:04:00,950
hamster ball
roll off a mountain?
89
00:04:00,974 --> 00:04:02,073
Uh, yeah.
90
00:04:04,311 --> 00:04:05,944
So this is in Russia?
91
00:04:06,013 --> 00:04:07,573
Somebody's gonna
slow him down, right?
92
00:04:08,215 --> 00:04:09,714
Oh!
93
00:04:09,783 --> 00:04:12,584
I got to
e-mail that to Babs.
She hates people.
94
00:04:12,653 --> 00:04:14,453
Huh, got a new e-mail here.
95
00:04:14,521 --> 00:04:16,588
And it's from a Nigerian prince.
96
00:04:16,657 --> 00:04:19,424
It says he's got millions
frozen in an account.
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00:04:19,493 --> 00:04:22,327
All he needs is
$100,000 to pay legal fees,
98
00:04:22,396 --> 00:04:25,291
and then as soon as
he gets his money,
I get a million bucks.
99
00:04:25,315 --> 00:04:26,815
And he must need it quick,
100
00:04:26,884 --> 00:04:29,261
'cause there was, like,
a bazillion typos
in that e-mail.
101
00:04:29,285 --> 00:04:30,396
You got to send that money.
102
00:04:30,420 --> 00:04:32,331
You think so?
Absolutely.
103
00:04:32,355 --> 00:04:34,623
I mean, can you imagine
if you make a million bucks?
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00:04:34,691 --> 00:04:37,036
You'll be happier
than a guy on
his wedding day.
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00:04:37,060 --> 00:04:38,605
Thanks, everyone.
Goodbye, Mom.
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00:04:38,629 --> 00:04:40,028
Goodbye, Dad.
107
00:04:40,096 --> 00:04:42,931
Goodbye, friends.
Goodbye, free time.
Farewell, sex.
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00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:44,599
So long, golf on TV.
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00:04:44,668 --> 00:04:46,100
I'll miss you, privacy.
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00:04:46,169 --> 00:04:48,670
Goodbye, being honest
about how many beers I've had.
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00:04:48,739 --> 00:04:50,817
Nice knowing you,
my own choices.
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00:04:50,841 --> 00:04:52,541
See you later, money!
113
00:04:57,097 --> 00:04:58,763
Thanks for the ride, Brian.
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00:04:58,832 --> 00:05:01,867
Yeah, and thanks
for the lecture on what
real music is, Mr. Griffin.
115
00:05:04,471 --> 00:05:08,573
Jeez, how many Snickers
could they eat in
a five-minute car ride?
116
00:05:08,642 --> 00:05:10,458
Ah, crap,
somebody left their gym bag.
117
00:05:13,230 --> 00:05:16,098
God, it would've been
real easy to bring
a gun in here.
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00:05:16,166 --> 00:05:17,326
Where the hell did they go?
119
00:05:21,588 --> 00:05:22,653
Whoops.
120
00:05:29,245 --> 00:05:30,261
Wow!
121
00:05:34,535 --> 00:05:36,968
Holy crap. That was Patty.
122
00:05:37,037 --> 00:05:39,303
She's got a smoking hot body.
123
00:05:39,372 --> 00:05:42,452
This is a bigger surprise
than when I found out
Joe was a clown.
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00:05:44,928 --> 00:05:46,648
I think that belongs to me.
125
00:05:48,198 --> 00:05:50,364
I'm sorry you had
to find out this way.
126
00:05:50,433 --> 00:05:51,499
Okay.
127
00:05:51,568 --> 00:05:53,935
You won't tell anyone,
will you?
No.
128
00:05:54,671 --> 00:05:55,804
You can tell people.
129
00:06:01,461 --> 00:06:03,127
Hey, so how was the spa?
130
00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:04,462
Oh, it was fine.
131
00:06:04,531 --> 00:06:06,175
Though I don't know why
they made us face each other
132
00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:08,199
during the mother-daughter
bikini wax.
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00:06:08,268 --> 00:06:11,135
Did you two have
a nice afternoon?
Sure did.
134
00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:12,771
I made a million dollars!
135
00:06:12,839 --> 00:06:14,172
What? How?
136
00:06:14,240 --> 00:06:16,908
Carter sent $100,000
to a Nigerian prince
137
00:06:16,977 --> 00:06:18,337
who's gonna give him a million.
138
00:06:18,361 --> 00:06:21,480
Oh, Peter, don't tell me
you two fell for that scam.
139
00:06:21,548 --> 00:06:22,959
What? What are you
talking about?
140
00:06:22,983 --> 00:06:25,384
It's the oldest
e-mail scam out there.
141
00:06:25,452 --> 00:06:29,488
Assets are frozen,
you cover legal fees.
Blah, blah, blah.
142
00:06:29,556 --> 00:06:31,796
Oh, my God, he did say,
"Blah, blah, blah."
143
00:06:31,825 --> 00:06:33,536
You're never
getting that money back.
144
00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:36,495
What? So that money's
just been Josh Hartnett-ed?
145
00:06:36,563 --> 00:06:38,241
What's that?
Gone! Disappeared!
146
00:06:38,265 --> 00:06:39,798
Never to be heard from again!
147
00:06:39,867 --> 00:06:42,734
Isn't he in that Showtime
thing with the blood
and the hats?
148
00:06:42,803 --> 00:06:44,381
Look, the point
is I was swindled.
149
00:06:44,405 --> 00:06:45,637
I guess so.
150
00:06:45,706 --> 00:06:47,406
Well, come on, Mom,
151
00:06:47,474 --> 00:06:50,314
the man was very specific
that we need to go put
lotion on each other.
152
00:06:51,845 --> 00:06:53,645
Jeez, I'm really sorry, Carter.
153
00:06:53,714 --> 00:06:55,034
But at least you
have your health.
154
00:06:56,917 --> 00:06:58,149
Oh.
155
00:06:58,218 --> 00:06:59,418
You know, this is your fault.
156
00:06:59,453 --> 00:07:00,764
You're the one who
said I should do it!
157
00:07:00,788 --> 00:07:03,028
Mmm-hmm. There's
that judgy-ness Babs
158
00:07:03,056 --> 00:07:04,733
is always calling
me and talking about.
159
00:07:04,757 --> 00:07:07,225
Look, nobody steals
from Carter Pewterschmidt.
160
00:07:07,294 --> 00:07:09,394
I am going to Africa
and getting my money back.
161
00:07:09,463 --> 00:07:10,729
And you're coming with me.
162
00:07:10,798 --> 00:07:14,966
Africa? We're going to Africa?
I wonder if it will change us.
163
00:07:15,035 --> 00:07:17,235
But, of course,
it did change us.
164
00:07:17,304 --> 00:07:20,338
I've been working
here for 50 years,
pretending I'm a woman.
165
00:07:20,407 --> 00:07:23,942
Do you ever regret
not having children,
Mother Bernadette?
166
00:07:24,010 --> 00:07:25,777
Oh, I've had many children.
167
00:07:39,593 --> 00:07:43,395
We now return
to Kevin James Got Too
Fat to be in Movies.
168
00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:46,631
Kevin James,
why did you have to
come back to television?
169
00:07:46,700 --> 00:07:48,633
I ate Adam Sandler.
170
00:07:48,702 --> 00:07:50,034
Yoo-hoo!
171
00:07:50,103 --> 00:07:52,019
I'm in here with the pizza.
172
00:07:54,958 --> 00:07:57,359
Okay, time to go to Africa
and get my money back.
173
00:07:57,427 --> 00:08:00,428
Are you ready?
I was born
three months early.
174
00:08:00,497 --> 00:08:02,041
Peter, who's that at the door?
175
00:08:02,065 --> 00:08:04,076
Oh, just so you know,
I didn't tell Lois
where we're going,
176
00:08:04,100 --> 00:08:06,112
and I couldn't be
touched until I was two.
177
00:08:06,136 --> 00:08:08,514
Daddy, what are
you doing here?
Oh, hey, Lois.
178
00:08:08,538 --> 00:08:10,972
Uh, Carter and I are going
away for the next week or so.
179
00:08:11,040 --> 00:08:13,341
You are? Where?
Oh, uh...
180
00:08:13,410 --> 00:08:17,579
We're... I mean...
Um, Pinterest!
181
00:08:17,648 --> 00:08:19,931
Wow. Sounds great.
Have fun.
182
00:08:19,999 --> 00:08:21,110
This is getting easier.
183
00:08:21,134 --> 00:08:23,279
Now I just say
daytime-mom words.
184
00:08:23,303 --> 00:08:26,404
Okay, so see you soon,
and Chablis The View.
185
00:08:26,473 --> 00:08:29,006
You too, sweetheart. Bye.
186
00:08:33,696 --> 00:08:36,247
I'm telling you,
you wouldn't
believe Patty's body.
187
00:08:36,316 --> 00:08:39,384
Just a tiny waist,
firm butt, great rack.
188
00:08:39,452 --> 00:08:41,219
She's in high school.
189
00:08:41,288 --> 00:08:43,020
I know, and she's
in high school.
190
00:08:43,089 --> 00:08:45,434
It's, like,
7:00 a.m., dude.
Calm down.
191
00:08:45,458 --> 00:08:47,558
Meg, hey, how's it going?
192
00:08:47,627 --> 00:08:48,659
Uh, hey, Brian.
193
00:08:48,729 --> 00:08:49,929
Cool, that's great to hear.
194
00:08:49,963 --> 00:08:52,030
Hey, where's Patty?
Oh, I don't know.
195
00:08:52,099 --> 00:08:54,811
Probably at her house?
You're hilarious, Meg.
196
00:08:54,835 --> 00:08:57,568
Hey, so, what kind of movies
do you and your friends like?
197
00:08:57,637 --> 00:08:59,048
Well, Ruth likes...
Not her.
198
00:08:59,072 --> 00:09:00,149
Esther likes...
Not her.
199
00:09:00,173 --> 00:09:01,934
I like...
Patty, just Patty.
200
00:09:01,958 --> 00:09:06,160
Oh. She loves
anything where a teenage girl
is sick and dies of cancer.
201
00:09:06,229 --> 00:09:08,396
Or any movie where
a character is named Patty.
202
00:09:08,465 --> 00:09:10,515
Oh, she loses her mind for that.
203
00:09:10,583 --> 00:09:13,952
Well, okay, Miss Chatterbox,
you better get off to school.
204
00:09:15,255 --> 00:09:17,333
Wow, you're really
obsessed with Patty.
205
00:09:17,357 --> 00:09:19,858
You want her even more
than I wanted the new iPhone.
206
00:09:19,926 --> 00:09:21,003
How's it going?
Good.
207
00:09:21,027 --> 00:09:22,805
Just looking forward
to getting that new phone.
208
00:09:22,829 --> 00:09:25,096
What are you talking about?
This isn't the Apple store.
209
00:09:25,165 --> 00:09:26,205
This is a super-gay club.
210
00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:27,465
Yeah, right,
211
00:09:27,533 --> 00:09:30,635
I leave and you get my phone.
Nice try, cutie pie.
212
00:09:46,820 --> 00:09:49,320
Wow, there's so much
wildlife in Africa.
213
00:09:49,388 --> 00:09:51,233
You know, they say there's
some animal species here
214
00:09:51,257 --> 00:09:53,002
that haven't even
been discovered yet.
215
00:09:53,026 --> 00:09:55,960
Is that right?
Yes, that is right.
216
00:09:56,029 --> 00:09:57,595
Oh, my God, look over there!
217
00:10:00,283 --> 00:10:03,184
That African warlord
is brutalizing those
innocent people.
218
00:10:03,253 --> 00:10:05,764
Yeah, but it's okay,
because he's wearing
a large cowboy hat
219
00:10:05,788 --> 00:10:07,567
and follows everything
with "hamburger,"
220
00:10:07,591 --> 00:10:09,869
like that stand-up
comic from the '90s.
221
00:10:09,893 --> 00:10:13,594
We are going to force
all these young boys
to be child soldiers.
222
00:10:14,131 --> 00:10:15,263
Hamburger.
223
00:10:16,699 --> 00:10:18,366
After 18 hours in the mines,
224
00:10:18,435 --> 00:10:20,935
we are going to check
your butts for diamonds.
225
00:10:21,003 --> 00:10:22,170
Hamburger.
226
00:10:22,238 --> 00:10:23,955
I get it.
227
00:10:24,024 --> 00:10:27,304
If you do not work on
my rubber plantation,
I will burn your tongues.
228
00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:28,827
Oh, my God!
229
00:10:28,895 --> 00:10:30,145
Hamburger.
230
00:10:31,348 --> 00:10:32,480
Ah! I found him.
231
00:10:32,549 --> 00:10:34,649
Alonzo "Hamburger" Jones.
232
00:10:34,717 --> 00:10:36,851
He made it to YouTube.
Must be filthy rich.
233
00:10:42,192 --> 00:10:45,526
Oh, my God!
I didn't expect to
see you guys here.
234
00:10:45,595 --> 00:10:47,962
So teenagers know
about the mall, too?
235
00:10:48,031 --> 00:10:50,382
Know what about the mall?
Yeah, right?
236
00:10:50,450 --> 00:10:52,017
Boy, the day I'm having.
237
00:10:52,085 --> 00:10:55,520
I actually made one too many
Build-a-Bears for
the cancer kids.
238
00:10:55,588 --> 00:10:57,539
If only I could
build a cure, huh?
239
00:10:57,607 --> 00:10:58,907
Aww.
240
00:10:58,975 --> 00:11:01,153
Hey, you know what, Patty?
Why don't you take
the extra one?
241
00:11:01,177 --> 00:11:02,844
Wow, thanks, Brian.
242
00:11:02,913 --> 00:11:04,145
Yeah, that's cool, Brian.
243
00:11:04,213 --> 00:11:05,958
Will you buy me
a hat at Lids?
No.
244
00:11:05,982 --> 00:11:08,994
You know, Patty,
I've got $7.50 left
on my Panda Express card
245
00:11:09,018 --> 00:11:11,497
if you want to split
a three-item combo.
No drink.
246
00:11:11,521 --> 00:11:13,421
Sure!
Well, then, hop on board
247
00:11:13,490 --> 00:11:15,570
the Panda Express!
248
00:11:15,625 --> 00:11:17,158
In bed, right?
249
00:11:17,226 --> 00:11:19,393
Like with the fortune cookies,
you know.
250
00:11:19,463 --> 00:11:22,096
Brian, can I talk
to you for a second?
251
00:11:22,165 --> 00:11:23,597
What the hell is going on?
252
00:11:23,666 --> 00:11:25,577
You're hitting on
Patty and it's gross.
253
00:11:25,601 --> 00:11:27,368
She's 18! Stop it!
254
00:11:27,436 --> 00:11:32,006
Me? Meg, I am not even
going to dignify that
with a mall erection.
255
00:11:32,075 --> 00:11:33,374
Don't... Don't look down.
256
00:11:40,717 --> 00:11:44,051
Well, we made it.
East Bola.
257
00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:46,854
All right,
let's find our "prince"
and get my money back.
258
00:11:48,358 --> 00:11:50,391
Get down! On the ground!
Ahh!
259
00:11:50,460 --> 00:11:51,692
This is unacceptable.
260
00:11:51,761 --> 00:11:53,721
I demand to speak
to Anthony Anderson.
261
00:11:58,568 --> 00:12:00,279
Okay, hold on.
Shoot me if you must,
262
00:12:00,303 --> 00:12:02,637
but it is imperative
that I answer this call.
263
00:12:04,741 --> 00:12:06,407
Yello?
264
00:12:06,476 --> 00:12:08,175
Yes, this is Peter Griffin.
265
00:12:08,244 --> 00:12:11,245
Yes, I did call you about
the eight-piece
lawn croquet set.
266
00:12:11,314 --> 00:12:14,215
Now, it says "weathered,"
just how weathered is it?
267
00:12:14,283 --> 00:12:16,963
Yeah, go ahead
and send me a pic,
that'd be very helpful.
268
00:12:18,454 --> 00:12:19,687
Sir, shoot me if you must,
269
00:12:19,756 --> 00:12:22,156
but it is imperative
that I look at these pictures.
270
00:12:30,683 --> 00:12:31,982
The hell with this.
271
00:12:32,051 --> 00:12:34,332
I'm getting my money back
if it's the last thing I do.
272
00:12:35,088 --> 00:12:36,454
Hey, here's the guys.
273
00:12:36,522 --> 00:12:38,239
Who are you and
why are you here?
274
00:12:38,308 --> 00:12:41,559
I'm Carter Pewterschmidt,
and I'm here because
you stole my money!
275
00:12:41,627 --> 00:12:43,761
You? You are
Carter Pewterschmidt?
276
00:12:43,830 --> 00:12:45,196
You're damn right I am!
277
00:12:45,264 --> 00:12:49,233
Oh! It's him!
It's the Great
Father Pewterschmidt!
278
00:12:49,302 --> 00:12:51,230
What's happening?
What's he talking about?
279
00:12:51,254 --> 00:12:53,187
You are a great hero to us.
280
00:12:53,256 --> 00:12:55,023
It is with the money
that you sent
281
00:12:55,091 --> 00:12:58,726
that we have been able
to make many wonderful
improvements to our village.
282
00:12:58,795 --> 00:13:00,995
And he used my computer.
283
00:13:01,064 --> 00:13:03,108
I'm Griff, by the way,
that's what everybody
calls me.
284
00:13:03,132 --> 00:13:05,292
That's not true.
Nobody calls him that.
285
00:13:08,355 --> 00:13:11,155
It was your money
that paid for the school,
286
00:13:11,224 --> 00:13:13,724
a well to provide
clean drinking water,
287
00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:15,693
our first health clinic,
288
00:13:15,761 --> 00:13:18,162
and a Redbox with
one movie in it.
289
00:13:18,231 --> 00:13:19,563
It's Baby Geniuses.
290
00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:21,444
Which I, personally,
could begin watching
291
00:13:21,468 --> 00:13:23,545
at any point in the film
and enjoy from there.
292
00:13:23,569 --> 00:13:25,209
Yeah, that's how I
feel about that video
293
00:13:25,238 --> 00:13:27,171
of Kelsey Grammer
falling off the stage.
294
00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:28,373
I don't understand.
295
00:13:28,441 --> 00:13:31,154
So there never was
a Nigerian prince?
No.
296
00:13:31,178 --> 00:13:35,680
You see, no one will actually
give money to Africa unless
they are tricked into it.
297
00:13:35,748 --> 00:13:39,333
So again, we thank
you for your generosity,
Father Pewterschmidt.
298
00:13:39,402 --> 00:13:41,819
Well, I hope you enjoyed it
'cause I'm taking it all back.
299
00:13:41,888 --> 00:13:43,315
What?
What?
300
00:13:43,339 --> 00:13:45,451
You heard me!
Nobody steals from
Carter Pewterschmidt
301
00:13:45,475 --> 00:13:46,674
and gets away with it!
302
00:13:46,743 --> 00:13:49,276
Carter, why you being so mean?
The money's spent.
303
00:13:49,345 --> 00:13:51,446
And look how happy
you made these people.
304
00:13:51,514 --> 00:13:53,497
Talk to me.
It's your buddy Griff.
305
00:13:53,566 --> 00:13:55,266
Tear it all down! Now.
306
00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:56,968
Or I'm canceling Kwanzaa.
307
00:13:57,037 --> 00:13:58,181
What is Kwanzaa?
308
00:13:58,205 --> 00:13:59,754
Ah! I knew it wasn't real.
309
00:14:04,594 --> 00:14:06,605
Hey, there, babe.
Hey, Brian.
310
00:14:06,629 --> 00:14:09,869
You ready?
Got the Smash Mouth
cued up in the Pri.
311
00:14:09,916 --> 00:14:11,227
Brian, what are you doing here?
312
00:14:11,251 --> 00:14:12,650
I'm here to pick up Patty.
313
00:14:12,719 --> 00:14:15,086
We're going to see a movie
called Brittany Finds a Lump.
314
00:14:15,154 --> 00:14:17,087
You're parked
in Mr. Tackleman's space.
315
00:14:17,156 --> 00:14:20,257
You're going on
a date with Patty?
I told you to back off.
316
00:14:20,326 --> 00:14:22,104
And since when do
you wear high-tops?
317
00:14:22,128 --> 00:14:24,172
What, my kicks?
Ah, it's nothing.
318
00:14:24,196 --> 00:14:25,674
I just use these for Instagram.
319
00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:27,097
That's something I like!
320
00:14:27,166 --> 00:14:29,979
Shut up, Esther!
All right,
we're out of here.
321
00:14:30,003 --> 00:14:32,436
Feel free to use
the seat warmer,
keep that box hot.
322
00:14:45,668 --> 00:14:48,113
Jeez, I can't believe
you're going through
with this, Carter.
323
00:14:48,137 --> 00:14:49,937
Paying these thugs
to tear down the village
324
00:14:50,006 --> 00:14:51,250
isn't gonna bring
your money back.
325
00:14:51,274 --> 00:14:52,573
This isn't about the money.
326
00:14:52,641 --> 00:14:55,309
This is payback for
Sammy Davis dating Kim Novak.
327
00:14:55,378 --> 00:14:57,445
Oh, come on,
Carter, don't do this.
328
00:14:57,513 --> 00:15:00,514
You don't want to be
the first white guy
to do something bad to Africa.
329
00:15:00,583 --> 00:15:02,049
Are you about done?
330
00:15:02,118 --> 00:15:04,430
I'm supposed to
go lion shooting
with a scumbag dentist.
331
00:15:08,474 --> 00:15:11,303
Oh, my God,
they're even taking down
the mosquito netting.
332
00:15:13,696 --> 00:15:15,997
Buzz, buzz, buzz.
333
00:15:18,268 --> 00:15:20,334
No, Carter,
I can't let you do this!
334
00:15:20,403 --> 00:15:23,604
I won't stand by
and let you further
ruin this terrible place!
335
00:15:23,673 --> 00:15:25,339
Oh, is that right?
336
00:15:25,408 --> 00:15:26,974
Yes, that is right.
337
00:15:27,043 --> 00:15:29,377
Here's $5,000.
Lock up that fat-ass.
338
00:15:36,419 --> 00:15:38,019
Damn it, this sucks.
339
00:15:38,088 --> 00:15:39,737
I may never get out of here.
340
00:15:39,806 --> 00:15:42,473
Well, as a man falsely
imprisoned in Africa,
341
00:15:42,542 --> 00:15:45,910
I have no choice
but to write a memoir
of my struggles.
342
00:15:45,979 --> 00:15:51,049
"Chapter One.
Harry Potter's aunt
and uncle were super mean.
343
00:15:51,117 --> 00:15:54,652
"'Spank me
harder, ' the lady says
to Fifty Shades of Grey.
344
00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:57,322
"'That's Mr. Fifty Shades
of Grey to you,
345
00:15:57,390 --> 00:15:58,990
"'Kate from Ben and Kate.'
346
00:15:59,059 --> 00:16:01,159
"And then he turned
her butt inside out."
347
00:16:01,227 --> 00:16:02,760
Because, sexy.
348
00:16:02,829 --> 00:16:05,330
"'Isn't that special, '
said the Church Lady,
349
00:16:05,398 --> 00:16:08,066
"before reporting for
her botched surgery.
350
00:16:08,134 --> 00:16:11,436
"Anyway, I'm here in
a prison against my will,
and I should be free.
351
00:16:11,504 --> 00:16:12,837
"The end."
352
00:16:14,074 --> 00:16:15,406
Take this, Cheebo.
353
00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:17,709
Take this to a French-Canadian
flight attendant.
354
00:16:17,777 --> 00:16:20,177
And he will give
it to everybody.
355
00:16:31,290 --> 00:16:32,589
Good evening, I'm Tom Tucker.
356
00:16:32,659 --> 00:16:35,092
Our top story,
sinking newscaster.
357
00:16:36,729 --> 00:16:38,395
Just kidding, it's the chair.
358
00:16:38,464 --> 00:16:41,043
But, in other news,
domestic abuse
enthusiast Paul Simon
359
00:16:41,067 --> 00:16:42,767
has released a new song
360
00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:46,381
inspired by a memoir
written by Quahog's
own Peter Griffin,
361
00:16:46,405 --> 00:16:48,483
who has been
falsely imprisoned
by his father-in-law
362
00:16:48,507 --> 00:16:49,907
in an African jail.
363
00:16:49,976 --> 00:16:52,176
Oh, for God's sake.
364
00:16:52,245 --> 00:16:54,762
I bet there's not one word
about you in that book.
365
00:16:59,268 --> 00:17:02,503
Wow! What a beautiful night.
Yeah.
366
00:17:02,572 --> 00:17:05,618
Hey, I wonder if
any of those stars
are wishing on us, huh?
367
00:17:05,642 --> 00:17:07,308
You're so deep.
368
00:17:07,376 --> 00:17:09,271
I bet you you're
pretty deep, too.
369
00:17:09,295 --> 00:17:10,394
Aw!
370
00:17:10,462 --> 00:17:12,496
You're so sweet.
371
00:17:12,565 --> 00:17:14,264
Why are you so nice to me?
372
00:17:14,333 --> 00:17:17,502
Most guys never
give me the time of day
because I'm so plain-looking.
373
00:17:17,570 --> 00:17:19,103
Well, I'm not like most guys.
374
00:17:19,171 --> 00:17:21,049
I can see past that sweater.
375
00:17:21,073 --> 00:17:23,719
Speaking of which,
why don't we get rid
of that big old thing?
376
00:17:25,078 --> 00:17:26,293
Brian, stop!
377
00:17:26,362 --> 00:17:27,828
You don't have
to do this, Patty.
378
00:17:27,896 --> 00:17:29,696
Brian's just taking
advantage of you.
379
00:17:29,765 --> 00:17:31,265
What? That's crazy!
380
00:17:31,334 --> 00:17:33,250
What? Why would he do that?
381
00:17:33,319 --> 00:17:35,169
Because you have
an amazing body.
382
00:17:35,237 --> 00:17:36,871
I do?
383
00:17:36,939 --> 00:17:40,625
But you're always
saying dumpy girls
like us only have each other.
384
00:17:40,693 --> 00:17:42,293
You're not dumpy.
385
00:17:42,361 --> 00:17:44,973
I was just saying that
because I was worried
you'd become popular
386
00:17:44,997 --> 00:17:46,757
and not want to be
friends with us anymore.
387
00:17:46,799 --> 00:17:48,710
Meg, I'm $18 into this evening,
388
00:17:48,734 --> 00:17:50,179
so can you maybe
just get out of here?
389
00:17:50,203 --> 00:17:51,735
Meg, that's silly.
390
00:17:51,804 --> 00:17:53,687
I'll always be your friend.
391
00:17:53,756 --> 00:17:55,105
You promise?
392
00:18:01,781 --> 00:18:04,214
Oh, come on, what the hell?
393
00:18:04,283 --> 00:18:07,418
Bummer. He's never
gonna get to hit that.
I know.
394
00:18:07,487 --> 00:18:09,119
That's exactly
what I wished for.
395
00:18:09,188 --> 00:18:11,989
Well, I actually wished
for it 30,000 years ago.
396
00:18:17,396 --> 00:18:18,436
It's true.
397
00:18:18,465 --> 00:18:19,964
Even at the speed of light,
398
00:18:20,032 --> 00:18:23,300
mean-spirited
thoughts from the stars
can take thousands
399
00:18:23,369 --> 00:18:25,970
or even millions of
years to reach the Earth.
400
00:18:27,674 --> 00:18:28,906
Hamburger.
401
00:18:35,348 --> 00:18:37,698
♪ There's a great
man locked up in a cell
402
00:18:37,767 --> 00:18:40,234
♪ The African
folks all know him well
403
00:18:40,302 --> 00:18:42,519
♪ He's a great
spirit with a lot to say
404
00:18:42,588 --> 00:18:45,272
♪ That's why they
locked Peter Griffin away
405
00:18:45,341 --> 00:18:47,824
♪ There's a breeze
that's in the air
406
00:18:47,893 --> 00:18:50,110
♪ Peter Griffin in my hair
407
00:18:50,179 --> 00:18:52,780
♪ Peter Griffin up my nose
408
00:18:52,849 --> 00:18:55,315
♪ In my lungs
and down to my toes
409
00:18:55,384 --> 00:18:57,802
♪ Peter Griffin in my skin
410
00:18:57,871 --> 00:19:00,304
♪ Everybody breathe him in
411
00:19:00,373 --> 00:19:02,840
♪ Peter Griffin
412
00:19:02,909 --> 00:19:05,225
♪ Freedom for Peter Griffin
413
00:19:05,294 --> 00:19:07,795
♪ Peter Griffin
414
00:19:07,863 --> 00:19:10,831
♪ Let my Peter go ♪
415
00:19:10,899 --> 00:19:12,143
Now wait,
let me get this straight.
416
00:19:12,167 --> 00:19:14,501
None of you guys has
ever heard of Bono?
417
00:19:14,570 --> 00:19:15,636
He says he knows you.
418
00:19:15,705 --> 00:19:17,738
Daddy! What the hell
are you doing?
419
00:19:17,806 --> 00:19:19,306
You threw Peter in jail?
420
00:19:19,375 --> 00:19:21,458
Hey, pumpkin, welcome!
421
00:19:21,527 --> 00:19:23,672
Whatever you do,
don't tell them
you have a clitoris.
422
00:19:23,696 --> 00:19:25,495
Yeah, they told me
that at the embassy.
423
00:19:25,564 --> 00:19:27,042
Look, I'm sorry
you got swindled,
424
00:19:27,066 --> 00:19:29,433
but you can't
treat people this way.
425
00:19:29,501 --> 00:19:31,702
You let Peter out of
that jail right now.
426
00:19:31,770 --> 00:19:34,538
And give these people
back their health
clinic and their school.
427
00:19:34,606 --> 00:19:37,526
No.
Hi, Lois!
I like your shorts!
428
00:19:38,161 --> 00:19:39,304
Bye, Lois!
429
00:19:39,328 --> 00:19:41,395
Oh, my God! Enough is enough!
430
00:19:41,464 --> 00:19:44,331
That's your son-in-law!
And my husband!
431
00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:46,400
I know how families work, Lois.
432
00:19:46,970 --> 00:19:48,652
All right. Let him go.
433
00:19:49,589 --> 00:19:51,188
Yay.
434
00:19:51,257 --> 00:19:53,652
Lois, how much was your
flight and which card
did you put it on?
435
00:19:53,676 --> 00:19:55,709
Daddy, I don't
understand any of this.
436
00:19:55,778 --> 00:19:57,912
I mean,
you've always been grouchy,
437
00:19:57,980 --> 00:20:00,448
but why are you
being so mean-spirited?
438
00:20:00,516 --> 00:20:01,916
What's gotten into you?
439
00:20:01,984 --> 00:20:04,051
What's gotten into me?
I'm angry!
440
00:20:04,119 --> 00:20:05,864
For God's sake,
I can't even be left alone
441
00:20:05,888 --> 00:20:07,733
in my own house
for an afternoon.
442
00:20:07,757 --> 00:20:09,234
You have to drop
me off at your house
443
00:20:09,258 --> 00:20:11,291
so this fat idiot
can babysit me!
444
00:20:11,360 --> 00:20:12,977
I'm old and it sucks!
445
00:20:13,562 --> 00:20:15,295
I'm sorry, Daddy.
446
00:20:15,364 --> 00:20:17,230
I realize growing old is no fun,
447
00:20:17,299 --> 00:20:19,232
but this is no way to act.
448
00:20:19,635 --> 00:20:21,068
I know.
449
00:20:21,137 --> 00:20:24,016
I'm sorry I almost
had you shot.
Oh, that's all right.
450
00:20:24,040 --> 00:20:25,672
I got a fever of 108.
451
00:20:25,741 --> 00:20:27,369
I'm not gonna
remember any of this.
452
00:20:27,393 --> 00:20:29,910
And I'm sorry for what I did
to your village, Dave.
453
00:20:29,979 --> 00:20:31,645
His name is "Dave"?
Yeah.
454
00:20:31,714 --> 00:20:33,447
Get to know these people, okay?
455
00:20:33,515 --> 00:20:34,849
Listen, when I get home,
456
00:20:34,917 --> 00:20:37,284
I'll transfer enough money
so you can rebuild your town.
457
00:20:37,353 --> 00:20:38,835
You've all been very kind.
458
00:20:38,904 --> 00:20:40,349
Yeah, this has been great, guys.
459
00:20:40,373 --> 00:20:42,183
Now all I need is
a group photo of me
460
00:20:42,207 --> 00:20:43,385
kneeling in the front
of the village,
461
00:20:43,409 --> 00:20:45,676
so I can brag about
what a good person I am.
462
00:20:58,590 --> 00:21:00,891
♪ He's a great
spirit with a lot to say
463
00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:03,493
♪ That's why they
locked Peter Griffin away
464
00:21:03,562 --> 00:21:06,063
♪ There's a breeze
that's in the air
465
00:21:06,132 --> 00:21:08,532
♪ Peter Griffin in my hair
466
00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:11,068
♪ Peter Griffin up my nose
467
00:21:11,137 --> 00:21:13,503
♪ In my lungs
and down to my toes
468
00:21:13,572 --> 00:21:16,006
♪ Peter Griffin in my skin
469
00:21:16,075 --> 00:21:18,508
♪ Everybody breathe him in
470
00:21:18,577 --> 00:21:20,978
♪ Peter Griffin
471
00:21:21,047 --> 00:21:23,480
♪ Freedom for Peter Griffin
472
00:21:23,549 --> 00:21:25,849
♪ Peter Griffin
473
00:21:25,918 --> 00:21:28,519
♪ Let my Peter go ♪